Last day of training

Last day of training – hard to believe. Tomorrow is just presentation of Suzuki and Viewpoints for whoever wants to watch. Ellen started us off with Suzuki today – some great specific work on a handful of movements. She called me out for two things that I should have fixed by now, but haven’t. My right arm swings occasionally when it should be still and I really have no image, no fire to draw on for the arms in basic 2. Looks like I’m wearing oven mitts – I think she said. She is absolutely right. I spent the better part of the day thinking why – I’ll address it in a bit.

Viewpoints was great to get back into one of the studios after the awkwardness of the stage. We hadn’t forgotten everything, but just seemed to lose it in that cavernous space of the theatre. Some lovely moments – things I hadn’t seen in a while. After lunch Barney took us through some basic slow Suzuki moves and a few old school things. His energy is so wonderful. He was away with family for a while so it was nice to have him back. The session was split between Suzuki and Viewpoints – which was nice. Working open Viewpoints I’m not sure I could explain what was running through my mind – but will try – but it caused me to do like angry Viewpoints – which I feel comes off as far too selfish. I worked through whatever was coursing through my body and then finally settled down and actually got some work done.

What I am processing at this point is my relationship with this material. Part of the reason I suspect that Ellen was right is that for the past few days I have just not been connecting with the material. I know I wanted to come here to experience this training – partly as a scholar and partly as a performer and partly as a teacher. What I need to sort out is what that means. As an academic exercise this training would be as hollow as any other dogma. But beyond that what I really need to sort out is what my relationship is to the theatre. This is a question that actually chokes me up, gives me pause, brings me to tears – whatever metaphor works on whatever day.

THEATRE -  It is part of how I define myself, something that continues to fascinate me, but something I am doing very little about developing at this point in my life.  I am fascinated by the SITI company that have devoted their lives to this idea. Me – I’ve spent a lot of time reading and doing lighting, but little else. So, I wonder what the next step is for me. To continue this training and not use it makes no sense. It’s not a replacement for biking or the gym. It needs a real commitment beyond just the physical. I’m just not sure what that means. At one point in time I would have defined myself as an actor – that time has long since passed. I recognize that as a performer I can function at a fairly high level without actually giving any of my self away. But, as an actor, that is not possible. So, where does that leave me? I’m not sure. So, I am back to needing to sort out my relationship with the theatre before I can answer the question of the training.

As triage on the performance tonight – great to see others perform, but, thinking about my own performance, I fucked up the first line and then fucked up another one. I can live with both mistakes, but realize that my level of dedication and skill are extremely low. I have been impressed with the level others seem to engage in. But, lots of hanging out in the lobby after the performance, which always smacks a bit of “tell me I did a good job.” It’s an honest thought, but not one I want to engage in. I know what went well, and I know what I screwed up. 

So, this is what is riffling through my head – how do I sustain the interest and the passion I had in the theatre at 18 when a whole series of life choices stand between me and my 18 year old self? Job, bills, responsibilities, etc, at what point does art matter? That doesn’t minimize the commitment to the other elements, but when do I make choice that produces something I can point to and say – YES – this is what I wanted to put on the Earth, and not – this is what I do to pay bills and put my kid through school? It is not as simple as that, but it’s not too far off.

And – just a side note to round out the evening – I have always imagined I would be at a party and a guitar would fall in my hands and I would wow people and they would all sing along with whatever I played. But, the reality is that I never would imagine I had had that much to drink, or that the pick would be that weak, or that I wouldn’t have my own guitar, or that I wouldn’t have had days of practice beforehand. Yea. The fantasy VS the reality.

Yes - we are winding down

It really does feel like we are starting to wind down. Partly this is because the energy level has been extremely high for weeks. The other reason is that we have reached the point where most of the basic vocabulary for both Suzuki and Viewpoints is in our bodies. So, what better way to disrupt that than change venues. Tom led Viewpoints today, which was largely built around a series of gestures associated with a chair and filtered through dialogue from Pinter’s The Lover. We broke into groups of two to stage seven movements around a chair. Groups were added together to create a new dynamic. Tom’s explanation for how to use the Viewpoints material in connection to these pieces was great.

On to Suzuki in the theatre led by Steve. I’m not sure I realized how safe and comfortable the studio was until we started stomping on the stage. Far too much space to fill, but we have to fill it. The dynamic of stomping, falling, rising, and walking forward changes dramatically with such an open space. We went through all the basics 1-6 – including a series of walks single file across the stage. Kind of terrifying when you find yourself mostly alone center stage.

Ellen’s speaking class was great – as it has been each week. She has such wonderful advice and such a clear way of teaching. We reviewed what we had done in the past few weeks, and then stated in on some new stuff. A twist on basic 6 (which I cannot get through without fucking up) – where at one point we need to go backwards. The other new thing was a set of movements that used to be connected to the “Oh splendor of sunburst” speech. You start in the deep plié, speak the text while rising. Basic 3 B right, forward, left, forward, arm up behind ear straight up, basic 3 A to the right, feet together, plié saying the text down and up, left foot, forward, right foot forward, stomp right, plié with text and slow up. I should have jumped up to do it in a smaller group, but did not – which I regret. You are suppose to do it facing another performer and compete against them and draw strength from them. After that we had supplemental training – which had basically the same vibe as yesterday. I get that they are trying to have us work the Viewpoints in a different situation, but it kind of feels like we are filling time.

Rehearsal this evening went well – tech and run in the theatre. We kept tech very simple – which seemed to be the wise plan. The equipment is so dicey that I would never rely on it for anything complicated. Our run was a bit rushed and a bit of a train wreck, especially the end. We sent some time working specific moments, which improved a great deal. It will be interesting to see how the performance is received. I really do feel worn out and keeping focus for these last few days is tough. We perform tomorrow, so we may be able to relax a bit after that, but who knows.

Awareness is key

Long day today. We started with Suzuki and Bondo (Will), who really is, I think, everyone’s favorite Suzuki teacher, but he started to crack down a bit on how we execute the movements. He does it with humor and self-depreciation, but the message was clear – we have been doing the same movements for almost four weeks now. We should be improving, or at least actively working to correct certain issues. I completely get his point, but also know we have very little time to work on this outside of class. My hope in bringing this vocabulary home with me is to refine it, execute movements over and over and over to work towards a better awareness of where my balance is and what my center is doing. We did get to do Basic 1 twice today – which was great. But following it with Basic 2 (slow walk) I fucked up the placement of my feet on the turn and nearly lost my balance. Some of this is muscle memory, and some is just not having my concentration together.

Viewpoints was in the big theatre – which added a totally different vibe to it. Anne had us all write out three stage directions or things we would like to see and toss them in a hat. Groups of seven or eight pulled that number of prompts out and had to quickly weave them into something. As always, some lovely compositions appeared from this.

The afternoon was movement – which is actually a bit more fun than I would have thought. Warm up on the floor and move to rise to standing and walking and then just move – however the mood strikes us. Very liberating. Very freeing. Probably not considered dance by those who actually dance, but probably as close as I will get.

Late afternoon we had “supplemental training” – which amounted to somewhat structured Viewpoints in the theatre again, but without the prompts. The difference was Bondo and GM put a chair on stage – that seemed to change everything. As Bondo put it – most of the pieces seemed like situations rather than an exploration of space or time. Interesting that such a simple object could have such a profound affect.

Post dinner we rehearsed for the representation of our piece on Thursday. Kind of a tough process since the structure is sound, but we need to discover more tension and more specific moments within the structure. I think we were able to shape a few tonight and perhaps a few more tomorrow during tech. Emma continues to offer good observations and suggestions to shape those moments.

Ellen and J. Ed I had a wonderful conversation over dinner. I really do want to find a way to bring Ellen or any combination of the teachers to UNCSA for a short visit within a year or so. What they have to offer may or may not be well received there, but it is such strong and important work I believe our students should be exposed to it. The mixing of Suzuki and Viewpoints is such a strength for the SITI company. It has been great to reconnect with Ellen and Will after so many years. I remain in awe of their dedication and their collaboration. I reflected tonight on how lucky I was to get hired to run lights at Stagewest all those years ago. It’s hard to imagine never having had contact with this process. I recognize how privileged I have been to spend this time with this company.  

Composition #3

Mondays are always a bit odd – we don’t get the schedule until we arrive at the theatre and then sort out which room we need to start in. Viewpoints first, with Leon, was quite interesting today. We broke up into groups of three – each person labeled beginning, middle or end. The beginning folks started and worked in open Viewpoints – basically movement and relationships with no specific rules. The trick today was that they would slowly build up a movement score that needed to be memorized by the other two in the group. Middles then built the middle, and ends the end. By the end of the class we watched the same basic pattern executed by three completely different groups of people. Interesting to see the difference in timing, movement style, physical relationships, etc.

Suzuki was a day when we were told that now we know the basics it is time for us to start paying more attention to our own work. To that end J. Ed. Had us start with the walks and restart the line every time someone was on the wrong foot. For some reason I chose this day to head toward the front of the line – which got to redo any number of walks any number of times. Exhausting, but we got the point about group work. We then paired up and worked to help our partners identify areas they need to work on. At the beginning it seemed impossible to get this vocabulary down, but three weeks in we are starting to get how to refine these movements on our own.

We presented our composition piece today and it went very well.  Anne and Leon seemed to like the structure – Anne’s point was if we changed any of it she would be very mad. So – we have a great sound structure, but need to work on specific acting moments. Basically what we ended up with was a kind of military drill framework in which each of us breaks out at some point. The idea came out of some improv work in which we developed competing siblings that really didn’t listen to or care for the others.

Our first thought was to isolate each sister in a lane on the stage – completely separate – talking but not necessarily to each other. Emma saw this just was not gonna work fairly quickly and so we pondered what other alienation or isolation ideas we could use. Anne’s comment early on in the composition classes stuck with us when she asked “who’s dream are you presenting?” We decided that the ghost of their military father hung over these three and went from there. The drilling movements work well for three characters bemoaning deadening lives and repetitive days. In the end I think we were all quite happy with how it turned out. It will be nice to refine this one and present it again on Thursday to all the Workshop folks plus others. It will also be nice to see everyone else’s work.

A day off?

So, the first day off in three weeks – well – mostly off. I had to work on lines in the morning, but the afternoon a few of us headed out to explore. We drove out to Saratoga Lake – which I was hoping was like the lakes near Ithaca and sort of quiet and nice to drive around, but this one was really built up on every square inch. We stopped near a public beach area – very small – and just sort of hung out for a while. Then we headed downtown to ride the carousel. I love carousels mainly because they are such a great throw back and are driven by 19^th century technology. There is something so quaint about sitting on a wooden horse that has been carrying passengers for more than 100 years. Not sure if everyone with me really got the whole “let’s ride the carousel” thing – but it was nice.

We then walked around the town – very white, very high end, very lovely – one of those downtowns that tries to seem as if it has always been that way since like the 40s. We ran into our director Emma in a coffee shop and she was up for the carousel – so I got to ride twice. I really needed others to go with me cause I get how creepy some 50-year-old dude hanging around the park by himself would look. The late afternoon brought a nice nap, listened to some music, and more line work.

Rehearsal started at 6:30 and we worked until we could get into the theatre to tech at 8:00. It is a really interesting piece. Emma has done a nice job shaping it and offering very specific comments on style and movement. It has been a nice collaboration. Jonathan watched a run and, as always, had some wonderfully perceptive comments to offer. He was concerned about motivating the end – which he was completely right about. So we worked on that after he left. He also asked us about our concept – which is an odd choice to go into this play with. We are kind of protective of it since we want everyone to be surprised, so I’ll provide detail after we perform it tomorrow. The nice thing is we will get notes and then have a few days to work it before the final presentation on Thursday.

The timing on the training feels about right – we all seem to be winding down a bit – it really is hard to keep the same level of intensity for such a long period of time given the length of the days. I am anxious to head home, but also realize that the long drive will work well since I have a great deal to process. The main thing to consider is what I do next, but I have options and time to explore them.